Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    GreaterValues New Member

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2011
    Message Count:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    An OK neighborhood in Hamilton, Ontario.
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    The Tunnel -- Note: The Tunnel is, in my mind, 1,000,000 lies and broken promises, but at the very end of the tunnel is are 2 words that shine bright: "Passion," and "Love."

    Those lies scribbled on the walls
    And the promises etched into benches
    Words can make the strongest of men fall
    And promises clowd the minds of soldiers in trenches

    Rumors know more about you than you do
    And secrets are told through passed paper folds
    Each and every rumor is spread in the classroom
    And each and every secret is loudly told

    Beliefs discouraged by the biggest sheep of the herd
    Dreams crushed by the reality of it all
    But beliefs thrive in the ocean of the spoken word
    And the poets will catch you before you fall

    Happiness is a tool that you must abuse
    And sadness is the weapon of the damned
    But a smile is something you must overuse
    And the frown is treading heavily in overshadowed lands

    And there it is. Writing is my creative outlet and also my means of expression. It's saved the lives of many on countless occasions..and it continues to save mine (not from suicide).

    as always, brutally honest feedback ONLY.

    Azekiel-Horizon New Member

    Member Since:
    Feb 12, 2011
    Message Count:
    26
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    In Traffic Flipping Off Other Drivers
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    These words speak to me. I enjoy how in this piece you spoke about your love for poetry in the way that it save lies. I feel we as poets are blessed with a gift to have an outlet for when times get hard because there are some people in the world that doesn't have an outlet to turn to in times of trouble. In this piece you capture that blesson of the spoken word and displayed how it affects your life. Very Nice poem keep dropping poetic gems like this one

    jakeminick McGonagall's Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 2, 2011
    Message Count:
    172
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +14 / 0 / -0
    good poem. inspirational. the end seems to leave me hangin a little bit thought. good flow


    Posted By jakeminick | Mar 6, 2011
    #3

    GreaterValues New Member

    Member Since:
    Feb 16, 2011
    Message Count:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    An OK neighborhood in Hamilton, Ontario.
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    I felt as though this piece of writing was left to be finished in the minds of other poets, so that they can conclude their own feelings if they relate to this poem.
  1. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Message Count:
    5,998
    Trophy Points:
    198
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In a cloud of smoke...
    Home page:
    Books:
    2
    Ratings Received:
    +134 / 1 / -0
    I liked this piece - it's a tranquil read - but I also thought it is a bit unfinished. I wanted a little bit more at the end to be honest.

    Yeah - I kinda would like to have seen you expand these ideas. They are so poignant statements. It would not have hurt the piece at all to continue the piece with a final stanza, one that personifies what you say is at the end of the tunnel ==> passion and love. YEah. If a piece is to be about passion and love, it wouldn't hurt to have that passion and love come to the forefront as the "essence" of this poem.

    Thanks for the share just the same though - it's an enjoyable read.

    Jacquii.

    btw - on a sidenote - GreaterValues == please familiarize yourself with the JPiC Posting Policy before posting any more of your own work. You've asked for brutal feedback in mostt all your posts. Please take the time to share that poetic love around by commenting the work of your fellow board members. Thanks. ;)


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 21, 2011
    #5

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page

GreetingsGalleryOnline.com