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    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    Dawn awakes to a world with a hole,
    A giant gap in the middle.

    The streets are full of thrown out clothes,
    A technicolor river.

    And at once I stare at the sum that seemed to grow.

    A nightingale has laid its head after one last pursuit,
    A little girl hops off her bed with one red little shoe,
    It is as if night itself has waken too.

    And at once I stare at the group that seemed to slow.

    As I lean over the windowsill and look at those pairs of eyes,
    I lean into a world of thread that sets balance on pieces of skies.

    And at once I stare at those pieces that seemed to glow.

    Mouths dropped open and pockets full of lies,
    One handkerchief finds its way out and flies.

    Fascination floats about as one full portion,
    And as I finally see,
    I can't believe,
    There are trampolines in the ocean.

    Dawn awakes to a world with a hole,
    A giant gap in the middle.

    All that is sound is the winds blow,
    And a wail from a cradle so little.

    Insanity is what I now believe,
    For it has changed its precaution,
    And as I see I now receive,
    Trampolines in the ocean.


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | May 22, 2008
    #1

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

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    Beautful Poem Liisi! Thank you for sharing!:coolgum:

    ¤Me¤ New Member

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    Thanks for the comment! Was it as mad as i thought it was??


    Posted By ¤Me¤ | May 22, 2008
    #3

    Curtis Spider Lee Curtis Spider Lee

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    Well......a bit angry but with a soft touch!

    SarahNSH New Member

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    Hello Me!

    Wow, I really do like this poem of yours... I started reading it and just couldn't stop until I finally was done with the last line. I didn't even notice that it was rhyming until 3 stanzas or so in... which is quite impressive because I can generally predict what word is going to be rhymed with next and focus a lot on rhyming when there is rhyming in a poem. But, your rhyming was subtle and unpredictable... which I enjoyed. I got all of this great imagery as well when I was reading it and it hopped from one image to the next with each line. It flowed nicely and was imaginative too, I had a fun time reading it. I also liked your stanza structure and how you structured the entire poem. One of my favorite lines (which I did have many) was right in the beginning:

    The streets are full of thrown out clothes,
    A technicolor river.


    I like how you describe it as a technicolor river, it made a really interesting image to imagine. Anywho, thanks for sharing and keep on writing away!


    Posted By SarahNSH | May 22, 2008
    #5

    Bear JPiC Contributor

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    I really love this poem Me seems like alot of fun to write also such a beautiful penning of a poem in a story style bravo bravo
    hugs kisses
    tom


    Posted By Bear | May 22, 2008
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    Åströmmer New Member

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    Hia dear!

    I did not see madness at all in that poem. Rather I'd talk about powerful and yet delicate wording, brilliant structure that really boosts the words used giving them multi-meaning glow and thus the poem tremendous dynamics. Your poem can open up in so many ways depending on your own dispositions at that particular moment you read it. Brilliant!

    Åströmmer ;-)

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