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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Warm air rises around
    her reflection intermittent
    in fall leaves, a mirage in a song.
    Memories in the skies refraction
    like rain on a hot summer day.

    He stands in the distance
    reflection like a cactus
    stretched across the road.
    His image perceived a mirage, like
    a twinking star on a desert stage.

    A forsaken road, hot tar,
    two hearts thirst love
    each retains distance
    as the other moves toward
    an unreachable rainbow.


    Posted By JolieH | Oct 14, 2007
    #1

  1. Cheeky

    lasher Member

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    Hey now Jolie,

    I like this - I get good visuals......
    Sometimes it's a long, forsaken road, indeed......
    Enjoyed mucho.....


    Posted By lasher | Oct 15, 2007
    #2

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Thanks so much Lasher,
    A few kind words can really boost ones enthusiasm. I appreciate your time and thoughts.


    Posted By JolieH | Oct 15, 2007
    #3

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    A forsaken road, hot tar,
    two hearts thirst love
    each retains distance
    as the other moves toward
    an unreachable rainbow.

    this part was very good,

    I think in this it shows that you can use metaphors very well,
    and still retain a good message,

    there wasn't allot of extra substance to distract,
    which is very good, it goes right to the killer point.
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    :wow: Jolie...you are on fire with your writing I see!!! This poem is crisp, inviting, and quite exquisite. I love the freshness I felt with you giving the elements humanistic characteristics and emotion actually. I also love the use of "she" and "he"...this sets the poetic tone here. Very unique. That brought this poem into another dimension for me. In its brevity the mirage appears to the reader beautifully! You are writing some outstanding pieces, please keep them coming! Loved this, excellent rating! :bravothanx:

    p.s......It is so great to come back to your writing...I missed everyone....:)

    PD :)
  3. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Jolie.... Awesome poem. You can really see the visuals and feel the hoplessness. Beautiful lines and my favorite stanza :

    Awesome!!!

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Oct 16, 2007
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    Terence Member

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    Lovely images, Jolie. As your lines say, you can never get any closer to a rainbow, it just keeps its distance. A sad reflection for sure. I really enjoyed it.


    Posted By Terence | Oct 19, 2007
    #7

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