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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by zaac, Mar 16, 2007.



    zaac Banned

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    Loved

    dont look for rhyme or meter cuz i wrote it and i can't find much of either...just flow with it i guess.


    She doesn't have to worry anymore
    she doesn't have to wonder
    if she's pretty enough
    to be warmed
    by true loves heart

    And she smiles
    because she can't remember when
    she ever thought her dream
    could be smiling back
    from 'tween her silken hands

    And she knows
    that she is loved
    she knows that she is truly
    someone's dove in hand

    and she knows that she is loved
    much more than she will ever understand
    in the soft and gentle hands...
    the hands of the lover of her heart

    He doesn't have to wander anymore
    He doesn't have to admire love
    admire from afar

    He always hoped
    that he was just a step away
    from love come calling
    from a distant shore
    dreaming himself into the eyes
    of the lover of his heart

    And he smiles
    'cause he can't remember why
    he forgot that what is promised
    will always come to be

    And her gentle sigh reminds him
    that he is loved
    He knows the chance of a lifetime
    lies sleeping in his arms

    He knows that he is loved
    much more than he will ever understand

    And when he falls into her eyes
    trembling hands around her heart
    He knows there's no more waiting...
    He finally sees
    the Master Plan


    Posted By zaac | Mar 16, 2007
    #1

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    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    This was really lovely Zaac. I could see this getting sung as celtic folklore, or maybe appalachian... they aren't too different. It didn't need rhyme... it had a wonderful flow all on its own. I applaud you. I have a very hard time not rhyming in my poems.


    Posted By Sealiah | Mar 16, 2007
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    zaac Banned

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    I have a hard time sometimes too cuz i write lyrics a lot. but its nice to write this way and just let the emotion guide then pen.


    Posted By zaac | Mar 16, 2007
    #3
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    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear Isaac,

    This was so beautiful. Did not need to rhyme, as it flowed beautifully. I cannot tell you how many times I read this. There is so much I could say, but you know already. The verse I highlighted is especially felt, and is quite exquisite. I will await the personal serenade. Love it. A 5 PD Rating it is!!!

    {{{~~**KIM**~~}}}:wub: for you------>:fishing:

    KayaOtah happy as ever

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    nice one, i like it, btw in a poem, is not rhyming better? sry coz im onli a beginer... but i still lyk the poem...


    Posted By KayaOtah | Mar 17, 2007
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    zaac Banned

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    hi kaya

    nice to meet you and welcome to JPIC.

    to answer your question, you should check out the section on the site that shows different forms in poetry and teaches you a lot.

    no poetry does not have to rhyme. many times all it needs is flow and continuity many forms of poetry don't use rhyme at all. i don't write much without rhyme either although i am doing more and more of it. i also write music lyrics so my tendency is toward rhyming. there is a lot of freedom in not using it. There are many poets here who are very good at it. You should check out Sartor and others. Honestly, there are no hard and fast rules in poetry, but try to learn as many forms as you can. It's a lot of fun and will make you a much better writer.

    If you have questions about poetry or whatever, feel free to ask anyone. You might not get the same answer twice, but thats part of what makes it poetry and is where your personal style comes from. the only rule that I know of in poetry is to keep writing as much as you can. this is not just an art, it's a craft, and like all crafts, lots of practice and study are necessary. It's not just flowery words on paper.

    Thank you for joining the site. We can always use another poet...and god knows the world can use all it can get.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Mar 17, 2007
    #6

    KayaOtah happy as ever

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    :thumbsup: thx, dat reali helped... i'l check it out and try to learn :thankyou:


    Posted By KayaOtah | Mar 17, 2007
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    Altree94 VIP Member

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    Beautiful Zaac! All it needs is a title and some music and some candles and a bottle of wine and maybe some roses...
    Suggestion for a title: Loved or Love, the Master Plan.
    Again, a great write!
    - Tree.
    :scores: :goodpost:


    Posted By Altree94 | Mar 18, 2007
    #8

    Amzy A friend, Well met.

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    Awww, Zaac. I'm goin' all mushy here. That was just awesome. Such a tale of bliss inspires hope amongst those of us who haven't found it yet. Forget about rhyme or meter, you have captured a state of being with your words, a verb on pause, a moment to be held forever.


    Posted By Amzy | Mar 18, 2007
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    dazamaru Member

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    a very good descriptive work....real emotions shine thrue

    I loved how the perspective changed from male to female. Usually a no-no, but you handled it so deftly, the true intent of the piece shined thru.

    a very good write. excellent concept.


    Posted By dazamaru | Mar 18, 2007
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    mangodroplet Blue Mango Puppy :]

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    It Was Beautiful...

    it didn't have to have meter or rhyme...I think poetry is from the heart, and it is the wordsmithing of words to move the reader. Yes, poetry is more than that...but in the end, this what it boils down to for me. So thanks for the poem.
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Aw! Doth we speak of destiny? :yes3: ----> ZAAC this poem is so beautiful and heartfelt. I like the free-flowing feel of it. The stanza I quoted above seems so.........real to me - It's freeing as well - just to actually BELIEVE that what will be will be. It's a simple and cliche concept - but I believe it's a true one.

    Nice write - Thanx for sharing.

    Jacquii.
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    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    zaac, it's all been said, but adding my two cents, this one is a keeper. Extremely beautifully scripted lyrics. Wish I could hear the melody! Exceptionally L O V E R L Y!!

    Nomad :yay:
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    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    :offtopic: Awww AMZY...did you say you are going mushy? I knew that lovely heart was there all along. Just had to tease you AMZY!!! Love Ya'!!

    {{{~~**PAINTED**~~}}}:ss-wink: :hearts:

    Sorry Isaac..I know this is your thread so I will say that I did come back to read my poem, and it gets more beautiful with each read. Cannot wait till the music compliments it.

    {{~~**PD**~~}}:giftrose:

    zaac Banned

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    Thank you everyone for your comments on this piece. I wrote it quite a long time ago and never really thought much of it, almost like it was a half done poem. Glad I posted it. And yes, MsJ, methinks we speak of destiny.

    Does anyone else do that? like write poetry that comes to pass in your life at some point years ahead? thought it was just me, but maybe not.

    anyway, thank you again. Finding this piece couldnt have been better timing.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Mar 20, 2007
    #15
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    WHOA! - interesting question - I've written some lyrics before - it's poetry, but it's written as a song - I thought of it today actually when I was chattin' with my cousin... I don't know if I dare post it hear though, as it's a bit abstract, but when it's "sang" to the perfect rhythmic melody - quite beautiful... I wrote it a couple years back - I think I'm still looking for the "perfect" moment to sing - I also wrote a duet - seems I'm waiting for the perfect "pahtna" to sing it with as well.

    I envy this tune ZAAC - it's written quite beautifully. I want it for my own - especially when you say:

    I tell ya what - It must be nice!
    And if it ain't - I'm gon' whoop yo ass LOL
    Peace - love - hairgrease &.......... yeah - whateva :p
    anyway - just wanted to post again = Diary of Adonis :blush:

    Jacquii.
  7. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Zaac
    what a beautiful tribute to the love you two share. So rich with love..... Loved this read.. Thank you for sharing.

    ~Mysty~

    ps.... heartfelt congrats :)


    Posted By Mysty | May 13, 2007
    #17

    zaac Banned

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    thank you mysty. sorry i havent gotten back, but have had a lot of personal stuff goin on. For some reasonm you seem familiar, like from another site or somethin.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | May 22, 2007
    #18

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