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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by lanaia74, Nov 15, 2006.



    lanaia74 New Member

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    I haven't lived here very long, so I'm not used to the sounds I hear
    It sounds like screams of terror coming from the apartment above
    I also hears thuds, what this is I'm not really clear
    I bet the person that lives there wished they could fly away like a dove.

    The sounds from above wake me from a deep sleep
    So I am kind of groggy as I stumble around trying to find the light
    With all this noise a corpse couldn't sleep
    I walk into the bathroom and see the pipes are leaking again, so I get a wrench and try to turn the nut on the pipe real real tight.

    Now I hear sirens it seems the police have arrived
    Something bad must have happened upstairs
    I wonder if sadistic things make the neighbors thrive
    After what I heard for a little while I was scared.

    This apartment house must really be old for my pipes to leak when they run water upstairs
    I am in a state of awe, as I try to figure out what happened up above
    After what I head it's hard to sit here without a care
    I wish there was something I could do but I'm scared to even think about going above.

    Going back into the bathroom, I see the pipes are leaking again
    But what is this? The leaking water has the color of red
    I know what happened now, no need to pretend
    From what I can figure out someone is dead.


    Posted By lanaia74 | Nov 15, 2006
    #1

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

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    Hi Lanaia! Very scary story here >.< Some of the lines are distractingly uneven, but you've painted some incredible pictures here. Leaves the reader feeling kinda chilled - great stuff! Very haunting =)

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | Nov 16, 2006
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    ronn55 godschild

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    Sounds like something out of a movie. You can be very descriptive when you want to be. I was in that room with you


    Posted By ronn55 | Dec 28, 2006
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    Benny New Member

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    You have a very descriptive mind and easily put them down on paper. I also am not used to poetry with long lines...but that does not mean there is any problem with your writing style...just means I have trouble following the long lines...ask my wife...when she is in the car with me driving...always telling me to stop crossing the lines....thanks for the visual work, lanaia!


    Posted By Benny | Dec 28, 2006
    #4

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