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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    reasonrhymer New Member

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    this one is sort of a song.
    ~~~~~~~




    Used To Be



    Used to be your shining armor,
    used to be your break of day.
    Used to feel the breeze of your sweet kiss,
    but I’ve blown them all away.

    Wished I’d never had that drink,
    or given that gal a ride.
    Wishes if they could only come true--
    wish away those tears you’ve cried.

    Vowed to slay all of your dragons,
    vowed that I'd fight to the death.
    Today I just fight those memories,
    still wishing I was your best.

    Used to be a man of honor,
    used to be a man of grace.
    Now like a fallen star without light,
    it’s shine gone without a trace.

    Saw your new book at the bookstore,
    “Story Of A Bleeding Heart.”
    Although it’s been over fifteen years,
    I still play your leading part.

    Used to be your shining armor,
    used to be your break of day.
    used to feel the breeze of your sweet kiss,
    but I’ve blown them all away.



    george



    ~~~~~

  1. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Wow! I started reading this, saw it was 'sort of a song' and thought...well, you can guess what I thought...but was pleasantly surprised!

    I'm a sucker for a night in shining armor and am presently reading a book about a dragon slayer so when I read this stanza, you really had my heart, lol.

    Vowed to slay all of your dragons,
    vowed that I fight to the death.
    Today I just fight those memories,
    still wishing I was your best.

    Not all song lyrics are that great and I generally try to avoid reading them but really loved what I read here. What's more, I could almost 'hear' the music with it. Oh, to hear it sung out loud! ...sigh...

    The only nit I could find with it is 'shinning'. It should be spelled 'shining'. What surprised me about that error is that I didn't pick up on it while I was reading the lyrics the first time. I have a sort of radar for that sort of thing. Usually my eye picks it up right away and I keep getting drawn back to it, so this really had my attention if it could do that, lol. (If only it would work for my own work, expecially the freakin punctuation and grammar, lol.)

    Beautiful and romantic!
    Gail


    Posted By butchiesmom | Feb 1, 2008
    #2

    reasonrhymer New Member

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    Gail,

    Yea, I totally missed the Shining. Thanks and thanks your comments.

    RR.

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    Bittersweet and beautifully sad.
    I know the feeling of this one.
    Well expressed and written RR.
    Much enjoyed!


    Posted By Moonchild | Feb 3, 2008
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    reasonrhymer New Member

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    Thanks Karen,

    yea bittersweet.

    rr

    reasonrhymer New Member

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    Okay, so I brought this one back to the top.

    I kind of liked it myself, And thought it might get some more comments.

    RR.

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