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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by PaintedDiary, Aug 5, 2007.



  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    My first attempt..will have to work more on this....

    #1

    [IMG]

    #2

    [IMG]


    Vanishing

    Once was magic
    star dust is gone
    the trick now
    is your vanishing

    Where butterflies
    once fluttered
    now maggots
    in stomach

    Cupid’s arrow
    once tickled
    now pierces
    in heart

    Sweet songs
    once billowed
    now lies
    sing a serenade

    My heart
    once safe
    now a broken
    unicorn

    Glass shards
    menagerie pieces
    once beautiful
    now stab

    Words once
    like poetry
    no longer true
    now echo forks

    Photographs
    once treasured
    now shadows
    of memories

    Please once more
    don’t reach for me
    let me leave

    for

    you

    are

    vanishing

    Attached Files:


  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    I can play with the text....which background is best you think. If anyone knows me, they know about me and my piano and is why that is one of the backgrounds. Anywho...let me know what ya think please...I appreciate your help. Changed the poem a bit as well....I don't know....hmmmm

    Kimberly :wub:

    Jer4clarity Lover of Meanings

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    Kim,

    There is so much pent up in this scribe.....I think it would be better if there was no picture to detract from its message.

    I loved the poem and its heart throbs. You've penned it so well it is a picture unto itself.

    My Fav:
    A must read!

    Jerry


    Posted By Jer4clarity | Aug 5, 2007
    #3
  3. Digging it

    JONATHAN living not existing.

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    such a a subtle song of the heart ..felt almost like hearing the whispers of a heart crying within itself ..soft and gentle ..yet so strongly indicative of a deep running wound ... if yu hav competition ..its yu yourself ..and congrats coz once again yu outdid ureself .... an example of a fine fire burning within so deeply imbeded into this poem ...love it and love yu ..CHESTER


    Posted By JONATHAN | Aug 6, 2007
    #4
  4. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Dear Kim..... I would love to play with the pic and words for you... I would be able to do it justice for you. I think the 2nd pic is the one for this poem. But the words need to .... well if you could enlarge the pic and then get each stanza on a shard of the glass.. different shards for different stanzas. so that the words get smaller as it goes towards the peak of the heart at the bottom. Also just use reg type font ... the fanciness of the font takes away from the poem making it a lil hard to read. Just an idea of course. Yours to use or loose.

    ps.... LOVED this piece hon. It makes my heart ache for you.

    Love

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Aug 6, 2007
    #5
  5. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Oh My! :wow: --- This is some kind of simply heartbreaking poetry that I can soooo relate to (sad to say) But seems that it happens to everyone at least once in their life - This poem speaks of loss so great that it's difficult to really put in words - but I applaud you KIM for putting it into words - Poetically speaking the poem is tight, succinct, crisp & fresh and reads like pieces of the heart are in the mending process perhaps.

    Nice write - Thanx for sharing.

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Aug 7, 2007
    #6
  6. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    ps - The picture with the piano and broken glass is heartbreaking.

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Aug 7, 2007
    #7
  7. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Thank you ALL ever so kindly for reading, viewing, and for commenting. I am partial to pianos, and was naturally my first attempt, and Ms Jacquii, yes it is heartbreaking. Jerry and Mysty, it was very interesting what you wrote, and great ideas. Jerry I never thought of it that way, and Mysty, your idea is wonderful also. Jonathan, you gave me another angle to look at it, and beautifully said. These comments were amazing, thank you all.

    Kim :)

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