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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by JolieH, Jul 9, 2007.



    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Waves rolled in.
    I stood in their way.
    They went around me.

    The sound of surf became me.
    It seemed lonely, yet
    dozens of people played.

    The peer reached out toward the sea.
    We were there last time.
    You held my hand, feeling my small finger.

    I saw sands of a distant land,
    a man with a bomb strapped to his back,
    a combat helmet without a soldier.

    Thousands of feathers floated down.
    A statue of Saddam Hussein fell.
    Music played, and the people prayed.

    A wave crashed up against my legs;
    I went backward.
    The ocean took back the water.

    President Bush makes decisions.
    Wait a little longer.
    We must have patients.


    Posted By JolieH | Jul 9, 2007
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    Checkmate Member

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    very deep...loved it...another wonderful post...especially the last stanza...thanks for sharing.


    Posted By Checkmate | Jul 11, 2007
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    Aste Intellectual Teen

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    [IMG]
    Hehe, Nice Poem. It's a little rough but it has a wonderful concept. I like the fourth stanza expecially.
    [IMG]


    Posted By Aste | Jul 12, 2007
    #3

    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    yah,
    I know it's rough, but I plan to rewrite it. I wrote this in a hurry. I see art kind of as an infant. The idea (birth) is the most dificult part for me. Once I have that, it becomes fun to mold it into something more. Even if I just save it awhile, then someday when I have writer's block I can work with one in the rough.


    Posted By JolieH | Jul 14, 2007
    #4
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Awesome write, and you scribed the abyss, and I am loving it. The last line...I think you meant "patience" also. You say you are still working on it and it is coming along beautifully. You are a very talented poetess.

    Kim :)

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