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Discussion in 'Spoken Word & Freestyle' started by solo, Mar 1, 2008.



    solo New Member

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    we are tired of this book...these pages we are forced to read:
    dull uninteresting language, cliched phrases of being,
    and non-existent plot...we
    would like to rewrite our history, starting at chapter one
    we choose our writing implements (each other),
    a time and a place...somewhere appropriate to looking back
    with nostalgia and saying: "Do you remember when..."
    Beyond the list of credits
    of those who made it possible
    the opening lines unfold: In the beginning...
    And the world skips a revolution as, beginning our own,
    we splatter our words on the page
    with blood, the stain of an old life slain


    Posted By solo | Mar 1, 2008
    #1

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    you get this point acrossed with superb language,
    the last 4 lines were the best,

    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    This was well said.
    Good clear language and speaks volumes
    of truth. Very nice! I like how you look at it.


    Posted By Moonchild | Mar 2, 2008
    #3

    zaac Banned

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    i like your stuff already. kind of a left handed gentle backslap to those who forget in the beginning and how it ends.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Mar 3, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    thanx for reading Erik...yip I liked the last 4 lines best meself


    Posted By solo | Mar 7, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    thank-you zaac!....it is one of my more dippy efforts:D
    --------------------------
    --------------------------
    thanx Karen!!!:sun:


    Posted By solo | Mar 7, 2008
    #6
  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Dear solo,

    Your writing is very very unique. A fresh outlook on topics not well written of. That intrigues me ans does your poetic stance. You give me things to ponder upon as I go and never lose the beauty. Bravo. Loved this!

    Kimberly :)

    solo New Member

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    Very kind words....Thank-you....I give myself freedom with my pen I do not find elsewhere...thank-you:tybow:


    Posted By solo | Mar 10, 2008
    #8
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Ha! This is exactly what I felt when we were given the task of reading The Red Badge of Courage way back in highschool dayz LOL - I like this short poem SOLO - It's a nice read that I'm sure we can all relate too - And the quote lines above is no doubt those same feelings which make each of us want to scribe our own destinies!

    Nice poem - Thanx for the sharing ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 12, 2008
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    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Hi Solo...... I am wondering if you are talking about the bible as being the book? Funny how you see it ..... but one point of view is ..... it was all written by Man. Maybe let the Women have a write ;). That being said...... you do have an interesting way of looking at things but .... honestly .... done with Blood as in the last lines I have to admit that this is a typical male outlook. Nothing done peaceably ...... always there has to be bloodshed. Thanks for giving me a chance to read and ponder on new thoughts. You are quite eloquent in your use of words. A very interesting write indeed. I must ponder on this more.


    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Mar 12, 2008
    #10

    solo New Member

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    Thanx MsJacqui.....rescribing my destiny is exactly what I'm trying to do.....life is boring me some....thanx for the input!!!:curtsey:


    Posted By solo | Mar 15, 2008
    #11

    solo New Member

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    no mysty...not the bible...just the story of my life....i'm a bit tired of never getting what i want out of life...lol...i am usually a very peaceful woman ....but bitterness builds up and then one does feel like slaying something...albeit on paper!!!

    having said that i do write things ambiguously sometimes....i like to see different peoples reactions and interpretations...thanx for your input!:D


    Posted By solo | Mar 15, 2008
    #12

    solo New Member

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    ennui indeed...that would be exactly it:thumbsup:!


    thank-you whitman!!!!


    Posted By solo | Mar 15, 2008
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    You're very welcome - it's a nice poem ;)

    Jacquii.

    blindbee Rookie

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    Very interesting. I assume "we" refers to everyday people. The history being described could be that of any propoganda machine, whether a nation-state or religious institution; however, "in the beginning" leads my mind towards the bible.

    It's very well written, nice choice of words. I do find some truth; yet, remember that "we" willingly line up to allow 'them' to clip our wings.

    It makes me think, thanks.


    Posted By blindbee | Mar 20, 2008
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    solo New Member

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    blindbee...It's open to your interpretation...I guess something personal sparked this for me...but there are many levels to the world...personal...global...cosmic...thank-you for sharing your interpretation...It's interesting to me

    sol:)


    Posted By solo | Mar 27, 2008
    #16

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