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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by zaac, Feb 11, 2007.



    zaac Banned

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    my tears strain to touch you
    calling out in the silence
    weaving my heart around yours in a dream
    body melting into yours
    spirits touching lips for the first time
    quiet breath of heaven spilling like water over stones
    touching every part of me with cool tenderness
    in water clear and precious i find
    a place to call my own
    a home for my weary soul
    safe in your arms from the cares of life
    my heart safe deep within your tender eyes


    Posted By zaac | Feb 11, 2007
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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    this was very good zaac, I liked the whole poem,
    its was great
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Wow ZAAC - How beautiful is this poem!!!!!!!! I am really loving the simplicity of the "put-it-all-on-the-line" style that you've chosen for this poem - There's no mincing of words here - just a lot of mutual respect, a lot of flirting, and a very sensual love...

    Very nice write!
    Enjoyed it very much - Thanx for the sharing!

    Jacquii.

    ps - love the title - is that Indian? What made you choose such a title?
    I suppose in short I should have just said: I'd love to know what inspired this piece. :yes:
    Very nice!


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Feb 11, 2007
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    zaac Banned

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    yes its indian...its cherokee. and my motivation to write the three pieces was someone you know quite well who happens to have indian heritage of that persuasion.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 11, 2007
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    hmmmm - I thought I recognized some innuendo within your words and the "closeness" - At anyrate - beautiful piece - I'm sure she'll love it!

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Feb 11, 2007
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  3. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    I do love it!!!!!!!!!!

    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    zaac........this is much better for me then the "Would You" poem. Now if it had some punctuation in it .......would be much easier to read. At least for me it would.


    Posted By Sartor | Feb 12, 2007
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    zaac Banned

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    uh oh

    sartor,

    lol, the lack of punctuation is a direct result of going to a site where they were punctuation crazy.

    but you are right. i have always had a habit of not using it. thanks

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 12, 2007
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    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Zaac..........I too had fallen into the habit of not punctuating some of my poetry. Most of it I did, but some I just used caps on the first line and a period at the end of each stanza. Well, I recently posted a poem on another site in that manner and received a reply from a poet I respect very much. He had one simple question after telling me it was a basic lazy way to write and undeserving of good poetry. Look in any book of poetry, do you EVER see a published work of any respected Poet without punctuation? I looked, I did not find and then and there decided I would use punctuation in all my work from then on.


    Posted By Sartor | Feb 13, 2007
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    zaac Banned

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    i had actually written a rather salty retort to this; partly cuz i've had this discussion with others on this site and others who think one should use punctuation in poetry only when absolutely necessary within the piece. The other part of this is having conversations with folks on other sites who didnt give a damn about the content, but were more or less punctuation nazis. So if you read the post when i was in a foul mood that had a lot to do with it. Not to mention being in a pissy mood all day and it just hit me wrong.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 13, 2007
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    Benny New Member

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    lol...there is much to agree in both yours and Sator's comments...there is always controversy over this one point in question...fact is, it does make the poem easier to read. Point, it is not always done. Myself, I like this poem reguardless. It would have worked for me either way. I like punctuation, as it certainly helps at the least the younger readers to follow it and understand it best. I wish I used it everytime in all I write...but, truth is, I don't do it sometimes...sigh. I'll try harder because I know it helps many people and God knows...we need all the people we can to come to poetry and learn to love it and the craft...so there.


    Posted By Benny | Feb 13, 2007
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    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Zaac.........In the final analysis, the only person you have to please is yourself, regardless what anyone else may or may not say.


    Posted By Sartor | Feb 14, 2007
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    zaac Banned

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    lol

    no need to say that sartor...has nothin to do with anyone here...just too much goin on at once at home...must be male menopause or somethin.

    i could use your help with the punctuation on these if you dont mind. i'll put them in the saloon if you would help.

    by the way, if our greatest illusion is thinking others see us the way we do, then our greatest gift and weapon is not giving a damn whether they do or not.

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 14, 2007
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    Sartor JPiC Contributor

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    Zaac........I am no great wiz at punctuation and I would suggest you place this poem in the Critique Saloon to get some feedback on correct punctuation. As far as my quote. I have long used that as a signature, mostly to remind myself, that not everyone sees things as I do. In other words, everyone looks at things from a slightly different angle then anyone else. It is a uniqueness of our species.


    Posted By Sartor | Feb 15, 2007
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  4. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    visually - what was in my head when I read this a week ago, but didn't get to comment?
    ....two stars drawn inexorably toward each other...shooting out waves of emotion which meld together and solidify even before the stars touch...but when they actually touch there is an explosion of bright blue calmness and excitement that radiates outward before merging into one emotive ball of bliss!

    if THAT makes any sense! (it's a little early for me to be thinking!!) :bed:

    Nomad

    zaac Banned

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    nomad,

    that reply was waaaay cool. i never thought of the blue flame part...right on, thats righteous. i'm still gonna change a line...jus dont know what i'm gonna do with it

    zaac


    Posted By zaac | Feb 15, 2007
    #16

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