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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


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  1. Confused

    Wind WindXSaul

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    What Do You To Make Me Feel


    This feeling when you say you love me.This feeling when you say you want to see me everyday.This feeling that make me want to break down in tears cause it confuses me to the point were i feel like i hate you,but love you.How can one person cause my mind to twirl and i feel dizzy and can't think about nothing except you.Are you trying to break down my walls that i put on my heart that are wrapped in chains?How could you care about me when i can only say things that will hurt you?
    What is this feeling that you have given me?i hate it so much cause i can feel warmth in my heart i can feel my walls crumbling to the ground as though touched by an angel.Maybe if i left would you forget me? would you follow me ? those are question that run through my mind when i'm not talking to you .What what is this feeling that is making me run away from everyone including you?


    Posted By Wind | Feb 24, 2012
    #1

  2. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Hi Wind. I had read this piece before. It was a little confusing and because of the many grammatical errors I didn't comment. I have come back to it. To make it easier for me to understand I made corrections where I feel they were needed. Just for my own edification, mind you :)

    So I feel that this is a cry from one who is not used to being loved, is afraid of love, afraid of the helplessness and the vulnerability of accepting love from someone, because in the accepting you have to open up and reciprocate with the same. It's a transparency of the heart and the mind and the spirit that you share with another to attain the love that God put in our hearts.

    Nomad :beach:

    "This feeling when you say you love me. This feeling when you say you want to see me every day. This feeling that makes me want to break down in tears because it confuses me to the point where I feel like I hate you, when I really love you. How can one person cause my mind to twirl and make me feel dizzy? I can't think about anything except you. Are you trying to break down my walls that I placed around my heart that is wrapped in chains? How could you care about me when I can only say things that will hurt you?
    What is this feeling that you have given me? I hate it so much because I can feel the warmth creeping into in my heart and I can feel my walls crumbling to the ground as though touched by an angel. If I left would you forget me? Would you follow me to bring me back? Those are questions that run through my mind when I'm not talking to you .What is this feeling that is making me run away from everyone, including you?"
  3. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Yeah... I made a similar comment in another of Wind's poem threads... The lack of stanzaic formatting and the grammatical/spelling errors was too distracting for me...

    I hope you might take & impliment Ms Nomad's and my suggestions Wind :yes:

    Thanks for the share just the same though ;)

    J.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 1, 2012
    #3
  4. Confused

    Wind WindXSaul

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    thank you both so every much


    Posted By Wind | Mar 8, 2012
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  5. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    You're welcome = I hope you do truly take the suggestions we've made and implement them into any future poems you write & post ;)

    J.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Mar 8, 2012
    #5

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