Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    lanaia74 New Member

    Member Since:
    Oct 20, 2006
    Message Count:
    206
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0

    A warm tropical breeze make the palm trees slowly blow
    I love this place! I have always loved the Florida Keys
    The mild nights here are beautiful! I think I see lights on the ocean as they glow
    They seem to be smoothly gliding over the sea.

    Being night, it's kind of hard to see what type ship she is
    Maybe she if a tanker or a luxury liner where all have fun
    Sitting here on the beach it's fun to try and guess what kind of ship it is
    The illumination of the lights makes the ship look big, like she could weigh several tons.

    I hear the eerie sound she emits as she blows her horn
    It looks as though some kind of fog bank surrounds the ship
    The ghostly sound emitted by the ship sound so solemn and forlorn
    The lights seem to be moving closer, maybe now I can see the name of the ship.

    I wish I could yell and you hear me say "Come closer!"
    My curiosity is now aroused and I need to know
    It looks as though you are going to reveal yourself to me
    My eyes just can't believe what they see next as your lights twinkle and glow.

    It looks as though you are transparent! I can see straight through you
    Am I insane? Is my mind testing me with some sort of ghostly test?
    Is what I am seeing actually true?
    You are close enough now for me to see your name Mary Celeste.


    Posted By lanaia74 | Dec 7, 2006
    #1

    Nikos Tselepides New Member

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    140
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Interesting piece here.
    "Being night, it's kind of hard ..." would be better if you wrote something like:

    Night, and it's hard .it's kind of hard...

    or even:

    It's dark and it's hard.... etc...


    Thanks for a nice poem.

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page

GreetingsGalleryOnline.com