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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    Aste Intellectual Teen

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    [IMG]

    What lies beyond the wall I built?
    The one so strong and secure
    Whose bricks are made like steel?
    Tempered by my mind, Obscure

    Hiding behind the rampart’s bricks
    The things I hide away from lie
    Plotting in secret sweet revenge
    Until my defenses go awry

    They’re minds are sharpened with there wits
    They’re cunning, clever and adroit
    They sit and whisper in the dark
    Of how my mind they will exploit

    But here I sit so safe and sound
    No crack in bricks that I have laid
    But they sit patient on opposing side
    Till the day the wall’s have decade

    Mmm. 'Tis a picture i took of myself. I was saving the picture and titled it What likes beyond these walls and i thought. That sounds like a good first line for a poem.


    Posted By Aste | Jul 8, 2007
    #1

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    this poem was so powerful and great to read,
    the thoughts just flowed and escaped,
    it really was just very good,
    keep in mind I didn't read anything other than the poem,
    and really liked it welcome to the five star club lol
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    I like it too - I thought the rhythm and meter of this poem was just dead-on - Very nice combination with the pic added as well - Very creative - And though I've written poetry inspired by a picture - Never wrote a poem inspired by a picture that I took - so very nice collaboration.

    My favorite lines:
    Nice how the title really epitomizes the poem really just as well as the picture does. A very exquisite piece of writing ASTE. Thanx for sharing it with us ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Jul 11, 2007
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    Checkmate Member

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    great post...you definitely captured a great picture and gave it a deeper meaning...the last stanza is excellent...


    Posted By Checkmate | Jul 11, 2007
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    JolieH JPiC Contributor

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    Victoria,
    This is a lovely poem. The rythem is very sooth. Your writing is getting so good. Your photo looks professional. If you keep this up, surely you will be a writer and artist when you're grown.


    Posted By JolieH | Jul 12, 2007
    #5

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