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    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    before this life crashes in the wind,
    before my love falls into sin,
    the man I want to be hasn't got a chance to breathe,

    I'm risking going off the deep-end,
    but all is wasted if never risked,
    I have no more logic left to creep in,
    and I'm a shell upon my knees,

    If I counted how I felt?
    my heart next to yours,
    everytime it melts,
    I would place them in the stars,
    so they'll shine over your heart,

    I'm still wondering how long,
    until this love will deal me wrong,
    but now I keep it so close,
    and I gladly see your love is valued the most.

    missc New Member

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    oh my god this describes my feeeling in the relationship I am in right now. It's funny how you captured what I couldn't express. Thank you!


    Posted By missc | Oct 4, 2007
    #2

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    purely coincedence but I'm glad
  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Very nice, Erik...I like these romantic pieces of yours.

    this line...
    the man I want to be hasn't got a chance to breathe,

    does it indicate that the love is stifling the "man you want to be"? or that you yourself want to grow more and your own issues re keeping you back? Not sure...

    Nomad

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    therese thanks for comenting I think its the second one the grow more
    because I tried to stay away from negativity in this one it'd hurt the message

    Aumakua Misunderstood

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    Aww another sad love poem =(
    I really liked it though :)

    And this stanza was my favorite ^^



    Posted By Aumakua | Oct 5, 2007
    #6

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thanks so much, your sites so cool,

    I'm glad you enjoyed my poem its
    the first in alittle while
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Hey Erik,

    This was a sad write. However, it clearly describes the feelings of a man in limbo. You clearly are happy and want the love to stay close...yet almost waiting for the worse to happen. It is not only woman who feel this way, so it was interesting to see it from a man's perspective. You gave me yet another poem to ponder upon. Beautifully executed Erik!

    PD :)

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    well a male perspective is all you can get from me since I won't poetically cross-dress lol
  3. Angelic

    stardust JPiC Contributor

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    Hello dear Erik!!
    I am so glad to see you back on the road again. I was looking for your name all over the place, and I finally found your lovely poem. I like it so much, sweetie. It is always my pleasure to read your work. You are an outstanding poet, Erik. Thank you for sharing your talents with us!!
    Fondly, Starry.:mail::mail:


    Posted By stardust | Oct 24, 2007
    #10

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thanks Starry
  4. Artistic

    Mysty JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    LOL but Erik ..... it is halloween ....... couldn't you borrow a dress and wig? ;) I am just kidding hon.... This is indeed a wonderful perspective of how truly men and women are not so far different in processing love. Glad to see you are still writing hon. Don't ever stop or the world would lose a much talented gift.

    :hug::hug:
    Love

    Mysty


    Posted By Mysty | Oct 31, 2007
    #12

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    thanks Mysty, well I did dress up for halloween but dress isn't emphasized I wore male clothes

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