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Discussion in 'Essays' started by muhowhow, Feb 5, 2011.



    muhowhow New Member

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    I sometimes wonder about who I am inside. I am human just like anyone else, and that means I am at times insecure. Sanity is never permanant in a human mind. I have dreams about it sometimes, dreams where I'm...




    an akuma. My caustic sense of humor and lack of empathy for any kind of life scares those around me. Even though I feel not many emotions, I still put on a humane mask to fool others enough that I wont be put in an asylum. I troll on the internet, and the more mad people get at me, the funnier it is. I like pushing people to the brink of anger and sorrow, because I feel like they all lie to themselves about not having to feel it. I'm a quiet person, but I come off creepy because even though I always pretend to be what people call 'happy', I am an angry being just under that mask. People annoy me. Technology annoys me. The world annoys me. I want that world, and everyone in it, to burn. Maybe then I can bask in the glorious chaos of insanity where I am most comfortable, watching others struggle for their life to cope with the feeling.

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    a tenshi. My love for humanity and all its feats knows no bounds. Everyone is a different person, just waiting to share their story with the world. My warmness and sencerity goes a long way, and most people feel comfortable around me. I am outgoing, and never too busy to hear someone out when they need someone to talk too. I am filled with emotion, bad and good. I don't wear a mask because I don't need to. The internet always serves as a fantastic source of information whenever I'm not sure about something, browsing forums and bouncing my ideas and opinions off others. People almost always see me with a smile on my face, because I am a very happy person. Nothing annoys me, as I see anything that tries to get me down as a challenge, an obstacle to overcome. The world is a wonderous place filled with new life experiences, and I would never want that to change.




    You know what the odd thing is? I'm getting to the point where I don't know which one is a dream, and which one is me. When I'm an akuma, I'm scared that I might actually be a tenshi because I hate the world and I don't want to come across as liking people. When I'm a tenshi I fear I might really be an akuma because I know I would be the cause of all the pain everyone close too me experiences and that would be a guilt too great to bear.

    Like anyhing else, perhaps I can be a middle ground instead. A...

    hybrid of some sort. Perhaps even a new kind of human. The dark and the light working together in a display of pure cooperation. I love people because they make me laugh, and it amazes me how we as humans have such high opinions of ourselves yet we squander our talent and conciousness on trivial things. Not one human being in the world agrees 100% with another, so we may never work together as efficiently as we think we do. However ridiculous, we are still human. I cannot find any real reason to hate someone unless they do something horrible to me. I give off a sort of nuetral vibe, so I am able to approach or be approached by most cultures and cliques. The internet is a tool of information, and a tool of entertainment. I use it to its full potential. I never want to be left out of any kind of experience that would help me better understand people and things. I help those who seem like they need it, encourage those who seem like they can pull something off with it, and I leave those to their fate who brought it upon themselves and never learned a lesson from it. Its been said I am cold blooded, and warmhearted. I like to push things as far as they will go, putting ever fiber of my being into it and yet I will stop if it hurts people unnecesarilly. My soul is a black hole surrounded by a warm blue glow.

    I am who I am.


    Posted By muhowhow | Feb 5, 2011
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    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    You are who you are. I've never been accused of being normal but I heard weird more than I care to mention.

    You are who you are. A writer doesn't just look at a vista and remark on its beauty. That writer looks at the trees, the horizon, every individual speck of wonderful and remembers. A writer looks inward, as you're doing now, and compares him/herself to the rest of the world and finds him/herself lacking somehow.

    You are 'normal' here but please don't use that word more than needed, lol. I went through the same thought processes and still haven't figured it out, lol. Keep thinking and writing, I think you'll come up with the person you are eventually.

    hugs,
    Gail

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