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  1. Digging it

    JONATHAN living not existing.

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    She stared out the window, contemplating the empty streets of her sparsely populated town, and the desolation this cold, dreary winter brought. She looked at the well-lit homes across the street and felt no less for the darkness in her own. The open window let in an icy cold. draft that had the cat seeking warmth under a pile of clothes in the laundry basket yet she sat at its source unaffected. She failed to realize he had let himself in to the apartment for there was no " hello Darling " or " I'm home love ". She only knew he was with her when he walked up behind her and shut the window, muttering and cursing the "darned cold" under his breath, he did not acknowledge her and neither did she for she knew the futility of words and yet this silence lay heavy on them both.

    She followed behind as he made his way to the bedroom and took a seat on the edge of the bed beside him. She smiled indulgently as he slipped off his shoes and tossed his socks under the bed, tidy was never an adjective to describe him. Her thoughts took her back to her first day at grad school, she remembered the young man that he was, over sized T shirt generously stained with ketchup, bedhead hair and a lopsided grin as he waited for her to reject his proposal to take her out for a coffee though she had barely known him a day. She said "yes" and she said "yes" when he asked her to be his wife five years later. She looked on as he stripped off his clothes down to his boxer shorts, his lean toned nakedness still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She felt herself drawn towards him and she caressed his bare chest, he shivered at her touch and walked away heading towards the kitchen to fix himself a coffee and the cat a meal.

    The cat being fed, he settled down on his usual easy chair and sipped his beverage. He seemed distant, far off and his visage older, so much more older and unhappier than just a month before. She sat on the armrest beside him, wrapped her arm around him and put her head on his shoulder like every other night of their lives since marriage and yet now it was different. There was no casual banter, no tender teasing, not even the occasional bickering or nagging that is to be expected from a wife, just silence. He shivered, he seemed to be cold, she held him closer yet the warmth of her love didn't seem to reach him. He soon drifted off to sleep and and she looked into the face she loved so dearly, even sleep could not bring its calm on his face, he seemed plagued by a nightmare in his sleep and when awake with no respite and yet in his sleep he allowed himself to cry for only in this state of unconsciousness he was conscious of her presence and at half past midnight hour while they both slept, he on his easy chair and she in her grave, their souls met and it was a tearful reunion.


    Posted By JONATHAN | Jun 4, 2013
    #1

  2. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    "She stared out of the window contemplating the desolation this cold dreary winter brought with it out on the empty streets of her sparsely populated town."

    I wonder if you would mind me suggesting a more concise wording to your first sentence? I haven't read the rest yet :)

    She stared out the window, contemplating the empty streets of her sparsely populated town, and the desolation this cold, dreary winter brought.
    "well-lighted" = well-lit

    I thought this was very well written, Jon. It pulls in the reader, thinking that it's just another "love died" scenario... distant husband, etc. then you keep reading, wondering what will happen because you're almost at the end, and WHAM! It hits... very sad indeed, but I love it! Great job! :)

    Nomad
  3. Digging it

    JONATHAN living not existing.

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    Thank you so much, I do struggle a little with grammar which was reason for me to stay away from prose for quite a long while, but I have allways felt I had stories to tell though so far my stories have been more like moments in someone life taking the reader through a summary of sorts of what happened before and after { read The apartment to know more} I value your suggestions and I have used them. Thank you again.
    • Like Like x 1


    Posted By JONATHAN | Jun 24, 2013
    #3

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