Welcome to JPiC Forum For Writers! Please log in or sign up to interact with our Community.
  1. Welcome!

    Hello Guest | Welcome To Jacquii's Poetry in Color Forum


    JPiC Forum for Writers is an online community exclusively dedicated to the share of poetry and writing. As a continuing work-in-progress, our poetry forums host a melange of writing with new additions being posted daily. We encourage you to right now and come join us in our celebration of diversity with the typed word!


    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0

    I'm not alone in defeatest attitude,
    always looking for something new,

    You tell me I'm deranged unless,
    the foots on the other shoe,

    I've been crying from my heart to an empty floor,

    I've been crying for the death of love,
    or love of death?
    I can't take it anymore,

    I'm just a shell among a sea,
    I'm looking and looking but no ones picking me,

    How much longer until I go down?
    was the whisper from the star to a cloud,

    You can match me with anything,
    I'm not afraid to take it,
    If you want smiles I can fake it,

    anything will do, I still burn for you,
    Why must I burn for you?

  1. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

    Member Since:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Message Count:
    4,653
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Channeling Rainbow
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0 / -0


    Dear Erik,

    This was a beautiful exchange amongst two celestial neighbors. The lines I have highlighted are masterful in craft, and their placement in the poem was superb. The title captured me first, then the whimsical conversation is encapsulating! To give the touch of humanistic qualities, made the poem radiate and illuminate like our stars above. I absolutely love stars, the universe, and such, as you already know...so this poem fed my soul with the light it projects. Awesome Erik, and thank you for sharing!

    Kim;)

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    great Kim nothings funner to me than imagining

    and it is almost greater to share

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    Erik!! Hehehe this was toooo cute! The title was definitely catching - made me wonder what wonders our Erik was gonna produce this time =) Even after everything of yours that I've read, I'm still inspired and totally in awe of your amazing style! The images you conjure up and the expressions you create, just completely draw me in to the story! Would give that lovely little star a hug if I could just reach it! ^_^

    Smiles!,
    ~Serenity~


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | May 13, 2007
    #4

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    hey serenity thank you,

    lol the star will be fine,

    I'm gonna check out ya myspace page ttyl

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    love your myspace page serenity I couldn't do many things on it unfortunately,

    but it great learning a couple things bout you like your job and that you are married wow
    also just upon a glance it was a great testiment to idividuality

    ~Serenity~ ~Pixie Princess~

    Member Since:
    Aug 10, 2006
    Message Count:
    254
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0 / -0
    lolol erik, not quite married :p but it does put an end to those pesky private messages - "hey sexy whats up add my msn, i've got a webcam ;) " i hate those things! ehehehe good to hear about the star :p


    Posted By ~Serenity~ | May 13, 2007
    #7

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    ah that's good that stops em, well most of em probabaly,
    not the really rude ones probably

    I wish I could've read some of the blogs but I don't have myspace
  2. Lurking

    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Message Count:
    5,998
    Trophy Points:
    198
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    In a cloud of smoke...
    Home page:
    Books:
    2
    Ratings Received:
    +134 / 1 / -0
    NICE! This piece is so novel ERIK - I love the concept and the epiphanied metaphor of the star going supernova juxtaposed with the concept of lonely human soul.

    Those lines: very well written Poet! A very nice artistry no doubt!
    Thanx for the sharing ;)

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | May 14, 2007
    #9

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

    Member Since:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Message Count:
    1,711
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Home page:
    Books:
    0
    Ratings Received:
    +15 / 0 / -0
    thanks msJ
    yeah personification is always fun

We hope you're enjoying our forum!

Only registered Members have access to posting priviledges. Registration here is 100% FREE. Use the button below to begin registration or the form on the right to login to your account.

Forgot your password?

Share This Page

GreetingsGalleryOnline.com