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Discussion in 'Spoken Word & Freestyle' started by Benny, Mar 4, 2007.



    Benny New Member

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    Just below a whisper
    hidden near her tears
    muted by the visions
    buried neath her fear;
    customized through hunger
    boiling now blood red
    gifted by the devil
    echoed words he said.


    Posted By Benny | Mar 4, 2007
    #1

  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    This is a quietly, creepingly, psychopathically, scary one, Benny! I can almost see the Evil, but not quite. Can I ask the inspiration? If you care to share?
    :girlhysteric:
    Nomad

    Jeez Banned

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    Ewwww... chills and fear...
    makes it all feel clear.

    The vamps on the move...
    digging a sadistic grove.


    Thanks for the read.


    Posted By Jeez | Mar 7, 2007
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  2. Ralph T. Guest

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    Benny,

    Well, I see the message here is a girl cracking up after breaking up. Good theme although overdone by poets. This is a little different approach. Like it.

    I don't understand "gifted by the devil", however.

    "fear" needs an s to fill out the rhyme which is good otherwise.

    "neath" gets a ' in the front- 'neath, indicating missing letters.


    Posted By Ralph T. | Mar 7, 2007
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  3. Cheerful

    Sealiah Poetic Dancer

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    Hrm... this could be of many things. Nightmares, break ups, evil creatures, monsters under the bed... hell, even sadistic slavery.

    All in all, I'm a lover of dark poetry, and I shall add this to my list of 'good ones'. I tip my hat to you Benny.


    Posted By Sealiah | Mar 7, 2007
    #5

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