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    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    You brighten everyone elses day
    who needs the sun
    I know it shines I know it cares
    but it doesn't even compare to you
    I'm running for air and I still breathe a
    How do you Do
    If we all use our shine and say whats in our mind
    then I'd feel around close to what you make me feel

    Caught in a daze catching some rays
    while the feedback is astonishing
    Up on the mountain we're wondering
    when will all the stars come down
    While I'm staying in the shade of your heavenly face
    if I knew something more would it all be a waste
    who needs the sun
    when you shine just as bright
    who needs the dark
    when we make our own light
    who needs the ocean
    as vast and deadly picturesque
    I get more than them from one caress of you

    Amzy A friend, Well met.

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    A very good poem, Erik. Have you considered removing all the punctuation and using either uppercase or lowercase to start your lines? Right now it seems sporadic.


    Posted By Amzy | Aug 29, 2006
    #2

    erikestabrook JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    No I've never done that before It a good suggestion but I'll think on it since i've done it this way for about 2 years

    Altree94 VIP Member

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    Erik! What a beautiful thought you have written down here! I was so caught up in the flow of your words that I did not notice the punctuation. On re-reading, I have to agree with Amzy that this poem would benefit by using cc cumming's style. cc cummings wrote all of his poetry with no capitals and no punctuation at all because he believed that they drew the reader's attention away from his words.
    This was a very enjoyable read!


    Posted By Altree94 | Sep 8, 2006
    #4

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