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Discussion in 'Emotional Romantic' started by Terence, Apr 8, 2008.



    Terence Member

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    Let me lie beside you. Let me
    drift down slowly with you into
    your velvet ocean of dreams. I will
    hold you safely to me. I will
    press my lips to yours, be
    the breath you breathe; I will be
    your guide and lead you
    from the shipwrecks that
    surround you; take you
    to a sunny shore where
    our bodies will mingle
    with the turbid surf. We will
    synchronize our throbbing heartbeats
    with the roaring of the waters. We will,
    if you let me lie beside you.


    Posted By Terence | Apr 8, 2008
    #1

    mslit New Member

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    "be the breath you breathe"...very nice line


    Posted By mslit | Apr 8, 2008
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    Moonchild Moon Goddess of Whispers

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    Sounds promising,
    almost too good to be true but lovely though.
    I like it!


    Posted By Moonchild | Apr 8, 2008
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    :wow: TERENCE - I haven't had the pleasure of reading your poetry in a while... Absense makes the heart grow fonder! Your poem is so svelte, as it presents a type of cliched poetic scenario, but totally without being cliche. The writing here is so fresh & new - the phrasing is delicate and soft. The content is romantical and so very sensual to me! The section I highlighted just stood out to me - the idea of my Man "drifting slowly into my velvet ocean of dreams" is so sweet I can see the sugar dripping from your pen. :yes3:

    This is a very nice poem and your words do indeed make me think "Absense makes the heart grow fonder" - for in your written words is a sensuous love that makes me want to blush.

    Nice write = Thanx for sharing it!

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 9, 2008
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 9, 2008
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  3. Depressed

    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    This brings images of Burt Lancaster and that woman (can't think of her name at the moment) laying and kissing in the surf. What an image! I so want to see the ocean with a loved one, lol. Probably wouldn't look as good and would probably be spitting and sputtering but it would be fun to try, lol.

    Lovely poem, Terence. I've sent a pm to you about it!

    Gail


    Posted By butchiesmom | Apr 9, 2008
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    Terence Member

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    Thank you all for your lovely replies, I'm pleased to hear it had the qualities I was hoping for.

    Ms Jacquii, you will see I've added my avatar. The smile comes from having a good English ale ('Speckled Hen') in my hand.

    Gail, the film you are thinking of is "From Here to Eternity" with the delightful Deborah Kerr. It's a favourite of mine and I may well have had that scene in my mind when I wrote that part.

    Terence


    Posted By Terence | Apr 9, 2008
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    MsJacquiiC Poetica Magnifique

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    :wow: TERENCE - Nice avatar - I don't know why - but for some reason I was seeing you as a Black man :twitcy: --- Anyway - Great that you updated your avatar! Yes - I do remember sing that classic film From Here To Eternity - and yes! MS GAIL you are soooo right - vivid images in this poem! Thanx again TERENCE for sharing it!

    Jacquii.


    Posted By MsJacquiiC | Apr 9, 2008
    #8
  5. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    This is a deliciously intimate poem that calls softly but surely to the romantic heart. Lovely writing!

    Nomad
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    butchiesmom JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Thanks, I just couldn't remember the name of the movie or the costar. I don't think I've ever seen it, but have seen excerpts on TV at times.

    hugs,
    Gail

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