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Discussion in 'Creative Traditional' started by nickram, Nov 14, 2011.



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Poll closed Nov 29, 2011.
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    nickram New Member

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    The words, your words have broken me
    They hit me like a ton of bricks
    Taking all the breathe out of me
    Your words beating me like sticks
    I no longer feel I want to breathe
    Knowing your words will continue to replay
    I wish I could just leave
    Yet your words just stay
    Just stay repeating in my head
    Do you know the pain you bring?
    Leaving me crying over what you said
    I can’t show how your words sting
    I hid the pain so well
    You wouldn’t see the pain
    The ones closest couldn’t even tell
    How your words were stuck on my brain
    Until one day I came to see
    Ending my pain would only create more
    My family wouldn’t let me leave
    I love them to my core
    Your words were not to hurt them
    I wouldn’t let you win
    All my strength came from them
    I became stronger than I’ve been
    I would not succumb to your words
    Your words no longer had a hold
    The words began to fade, your words
    I hit stop on the words you told
    Even with this strength, I lost something
    Something you took from me
    A piece of me that I used to be

    -nickram

    P.S. I hope this helps anyone who has ever been hurt by someone's words or ever been bullied. Just know it can get better, trust me.


    Posted By nickram | Nov 14, 2011
    #1

  1. Cool

    nomadicrhymer JPiC Premium VIP Member

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    Very true... words can't be taken back and they are painful...

    passionate writing...

    Nomad :beach:

    zaac Banned

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    well if you're looking for someone who's been hurt, theres about 6.5 billion of us lol...so we get it. not sure if youre into any critique or not, but I had a hard time with the meter. I could be reading it wrong and I know a lot of times I write, I write how it sounds in my head and not how it reads on paper. It will affect some of your word choices. You have a couple different meters or so in the poem and either or any of them work. Personally, I think this would be fine as just a freestyle with no attempts at meter at all. Was a bit confused with the last stanza cuz most of the piece was about taking back your life and at the end it alludes to something that you can't get back that was taken. You have some solid ideas to work with here.


    Posted By zaac | Nov 15, 2011
    #3
  2. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Wow. This was very intense. The words left an impact for sure. The topic is one that I frequent as a teacher. Sad to think with the strength found that the words cut so deeply that pieces of you were lost. Hope they are found, and the strength prevails. Thank you for this read.

    Painted Diary
  3. Artistic

    PaintedDiary JPiC Mentor

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    Wow. This was very intense. The words left an impact for sure. The topic is one that I frequent as a teacher. Sad to think with the strength found that the words cut so deeply that pieces of you were lost. Hope they are found, and the strength prevails. Thank you for this read.

    Painted Diary

    nickram New Member

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    Thank you to all of you that have enjoyed this poem and for those who have given advice about how to improve my writing (I'm talking to you zaac :D )


    Posted By nickram | Nov 30, 2011
    #6

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